Interview With Crescent the Crowhopper in Moontown

Photo of crowhopper named Crescent

 by Missy "Scoop" Wilkerson

Interview with Crescent [CRESCENT by Homer Hickam] by Missy "Scoop" Wilkerson, junior reporter for the Moontown Scrapes, the daily paper for the productive people of Moontown

Today we have an opportunity for our readers to hear from Crescent, the teenage killer crowhopper recently captured by our esteemed Moontown Irregulars. Presently incarcerated for the murder of Officer Jones, a fine Moontown policeman, I recently visited her cell accompanied by armed guards to keep her from also murdering me, your dedicated Moontown Scrapes reporter. Since we know she's guilty because our beloved Colonel Medaris told us she is, please disregard anything she might say which would lead you to think she might be the slightest bit innocent of anything.—Missy "Scoop" Wilkerson

Moontown Scrapes: When you murdered Officer Jones, did you enjoy it? I have heard crowhoppers love to kill people.

Crescent: I do not like the term crowhopper. It is offensive to me. I am a warrior of the Legion Internationale.

MS: I see. When you killed our policeman, was that offensive?

C: Officer Jones deserved to die. Did you know that his real name was Warto and that he murdered millions of people on Earth?

MS: Come now, the Colonel would never hire such a man.

C: But he did. Warto also tried to rape me.

MS: Unbelievable. How exactly did you murder him?

C: He deserved to die. That is all I will say.

MS: All right, then. I understand you were captured by Moontown citizen Crater Trueblood during a battle. I thought all crowhoppers fought to the death. What happened?

C: To my great shame, I was subdued before I could die. Then I was brought to this dirty little town. Since my captor treated me with some kindness, I decided to live within the rules of this place. As you can see, it did not work out.

MS: Of course, it didn't. Monsters can't live with normal humans. Surprisingly, I understand Crater is unhappy you are here. In fact, I have heard he has even argued with Colonel Medaris about your incarceration.

C: Crater is a kind man and means well. He does not understand who I am. He also does not understand who the Colonel is. He is, of course, a vile dictator willing to destroy anyone who gets in his way.

MS: Our beloved founder is nothing of the kind. But by criticizing him, you put yourself in peril. As you know, we do not have trials here in Moontown. Colonel Medaris's wise decisions are our laws. Aren't you afraid he will send you outside on a dustwalk? No one has ever survived being put outside with only a standard airpack.

C: You are somewhat amusing. Legionnaires do not fear death. Our motto is "Life is death. Death is life."

MS: Charming. How were you trained to be a crowhopper?

C:  Wooden barracks, cold days, colder nights, weapons training, crawling through the mud, mush for food. That is how we are trained, that is how we live.

MS: Anything good?

C: That is good.

MS: What do you consider bad?

C: Losing. I also don't like being laughed at. I know I'm ugly. That is no reason for amusement.

MS: Do ordinary humans look ugly to you?

C: Some do. For instance, the Sheriff of Moontown to me is ugly as a dirty pistol.

MS: How about Crater?

C: Crater is a well-formed human male, reasonably pleasant to look at.

MS: Am I missing something? Surely you have no romantic intentions toward Crater Trueblood!

C: Crater is a friend.

MS: A crowhopper friend? That would be the stuff of nightmares.

C: This interview is over. Please leave.

MS: Nothing will make me happier. My skin has been crawling during this entire interview. Enjoy your stroll in the dust, little Miss Murderer. Guards, I'm ready to leave!

This concludes the transcript of the interview between Missy "Scoop" Wilkerson, junior reporter for the Moontown Scrapes, and the murderous crowhopper called Crescent.